Flashback: The first pee story - Urine for some laughsFlashback: The first pee story - Urine for some laughs

Everyone seems to be taking the urinating-houseguest story quite harshly. I’ve even heard of some people preparing to stage an intervention. The idea that it is anything but laughable is beyond me. So I got to thinking, perhaps I should give my readers a little bit of background. So here goes my first flashback. Something that if it turns out, I might do more of.

December 17th 1980, Cape Town South Africa: I crawl out of my warm, comfortable, dark cave into what we all refer to as “life”. Now I think my mother would take exception to it sounding so easy, but we were both there, so it’s her word against mine. My first breath of air, a good spank, and into the waiting arms of my mother I went.

This is when I decided I would introduce myself to the world as “Simon the comedian”. I still argue that I had the best grasp of farce out of any twenty-two-second-old that has since lived. I started to pee. All over. It has been explained to me that this pee was impressive beyond my years (or seconds) at the time. Like the monitor of a fire truck, I hosed down the nurse, my father and a good dose to the floor, but not before getting the doctor right in the face. He apparently had it dripping off of his chin and silk tie.

My mother and father apologetically looked up at the doctor, already embarrassed by their new son. -A trend that would continue. The doctor answered their gazes with a simple conclusion:

“Well; at least we know that works.”

I, satisfied, giggled and went to sleep.

p.s. As for the intervention: I’m in – I’ll bring the keg